Spam Beasts
- "Oh, come on. Now they'll all catch on fire and die. Isn't it nice when a solution is that- oh dear Designers are those things STILL COMING AT US?!?" Syla stared in disbelief. "WHAT KIND OF ANIMAL CAN FLY WHILE BEING ON FIRE?!?" Syla shouted, appalled.
- - FTaWSotR: Song for the Lonely.
| Spam Beasts | |
|---|---|
| Class | Magical Beast |
| Habitat | Internet Plane, Abandoned Forums |
| Average Size | Varies |
| Threat Level | Varies. Usually ~1.09 |
| Preferred Food | Spam. Also Humans |
| Origin | Unknown |
| Notable Physical Traits | Wings, Asexual Reproduction, growth comparable to spam consumed over lifetime |
| Vulnerabilities | Physical attacks and Fire |
{{#ifcategory:FTaWSotR|}} {{#ifcategory:HttP|}} {{#ifcategory:ANWO|}} {{#ifcategory:NotL|}}
Spam Beasts are magical beasts made entirely of hardened spam. They're simple creatures, living purely to feast on the spam of abandoned or vacant forums. An infestation of spam beasts occurs when a single wandering spam beast happens across a derelict or vacant forum. Once a spam beast forms a nest in the forum, it proceeds to feed and to give birth to more spam beasts. As a result, once an infestation takes root, it can be extremely difficult to remove. A single infestation can house millions of spam beasts.
Spam beasts are vicious and ill-tempered; any non-beast that approaches the nest is liable to be attacked. Furthermore, spam beasts will not stop attacking an intruder until said intruder is dead and devoured, or until the spam beasts have been killed. Despite this, they are a relative non-threat to humans unless someone unprepared stumbles across a nest.
Spam beasts are not durable. They lack any normal organs, cardiovascular system, or skeletal structure, and are instead simply living hunks of spam. As a result, even the hardened spam of the spam beast gives way to relatively minor attacks. As such, even the most inexperienced fighters or mages can usually take multiple beasts down.
When an infestation of Spam beasts takes over a forum, the best way to get rid of them is fire. Because of the flammable nature of spam, setting even just one on fire is usually enough to ignite most, if not all of the nest. However, it should be noted that anyone attempting such a technique should have an impregnable fire-proof structure nearby to take cover in. Depending on their size, spam beasts can survive being set on fire anywhere from a few minutes to several hours, during which they will proceed to fly around and attack anything they find.
Once the spam at a certain location has been completely consumed, the infestation will then start hunting for spam elsewhere. This results in severe problems for any neighboring forums, since they'll be consistently attacked by spam beasts looking for sustenance.
Spam beasts reproduce asexually; whilst the exact process is unknown, a spam beast will leave behind a clump of living spam that quickly forms into a new spam beast. The size of the clump and where it exists usually dictates what kind of beast results from the clump of spam.
Varieties
Spam beasts come in dozens of different varieties and sizes. One common element is that almost all of the beasts are capable of flying or hovering; there isn't enough spam at sea or on land to support populations of land or sea Spam beasts. Still, Land-bound Spam beasts and Spam sharks are not unheard-of. There are even rumors of Spam Beasts with the capability to teleport themselves at will.
Spam Bats
Spam beasts in the shape of bats. Relatively harmless, this is the most common type of spam beast. Most spam bats have golf-ball sized bodies, though they can get as large as a man's head if engorged on spam. Note that, in large flocks, it is quite possible for even an experienced fighter to get overwhelmed. Setting these on fire whilst under attack is never a good idea, since it'll result in a flock of flaming spam bats out for the intruder's blood.
It's notable that a strong explosion can knock an entire flock of bats out of the air. This is because a strong enough shockwave will break apart the spam that makes up the bats, essentially causing a rain of spam bits.
Spam Dragon
The term "Spam Dragon" is actually used loosely; it refers to any large spam beast with a reptilian head and wings. They average at about 10-14 feet in height, and over two tons in body mass. Spam dragons are often produced when spam is plentiful, though there are reports of spam bats becoming so engorged they actually wind up being Spam Dragons by technicality. Spam dragons are considerably more dangerous than the average spam beast; aside from larger teeth and stronger jaws, the spam dragon can also wind up crushing an attacker underneath its blubber. Whilst harder to kill simply due to the volume of spam, they too tend to fall easily to an attack, and a strong blast is usually enough to shatter the beast.
