AVftS-16
 Part of a series of archived posts in AVftS | |
| AVftS-16 | |
|---|---|
| Author: | Luca |
| Date Posted: | August 24, 2019 |
| Forum Post: | Linked! |
| Word Count: | 1,053 |
| Characters: | Talamaeus Laeraxius, Kaegan |
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Talamaeus Laraxius sat atop a boulder this fine afternoon, in the great fields in the northwest quadrant of his incalculable estate. The great emperor was observing a bird which was, in the traditional and patriotic measurement system, 0.0009 stellar units forward. Talameaus had been correcting the bird on its speaking style and grammar choice as a part of the monthly Benevolence Hour where he gave these citizens more attention than they deserved. However, now that the lesson had taken a poor turn, the emperor paused in contemplation. Staring, inquisitively, menacingly, distrustful. What was this bird's intentions? Why did it come here? Of all of the birds in the Great Empire of Fyrom, what is this one hiding from his liege lord? Surely it must be hiding something for being so indignant.
Out of view, beyond the woods to the northwest, Talamaeus heard the faint hints of the wildlife known as human people. Oh, no. No, no, no, no, no, no, this would not do. Sounds of human activity had been banned for the last three years! The laws had been passed legally and justly, when he had whispered the idea to a standing stone on the south slope of Mount Abandon which, itself, seemed pleased by the idea.
"Come along, Rufus," he said, invoking the bird's True Name. "We must enforce my dominion."
Kaegan picked his head out of one of the crates in the caravan, parked at the edge of town. Weird, there's no more chocolate, he thought. Of course, none of the items in the caravan were his unless they were already attached to his body, but then again nothing's really attached to your body until you pick it up. He continued to rummage through the few remaining pockets of items that he hadn't yet already at the rear of the wagon.
Picking through the debris, in this particular crate, Kaegan couldn't recognise any item that was supposed to be an actual item. There was a mess of papers and straw and shards of ceramic that must have been something at some point, but its purpose was lost by now. At the bottom of the pool of debris, an unidentified device that was long, smooth, and undeniably phallic. Cautiously, Kaegan raised it out of the crate with an uncertain and moderately repulsed expression. Must be a trade good, said his wishful thinking.
Just then, there was some rustling in the bushes behind the wagon. Kaegan picked his head up to see the most wild sight: A hunched man, with a wiry, unkempt beard and a patchwork robe, made of what must have been a thousand years of rummaged refuse. He seemed to be drunk or drugged or out of his mind or maybe this was just how he always was, but certainly the man was animated. Kaegan stared blankly ahead, absent mindedly directing the rounded ceramic trade good towards his new guest.
The mighty emperor, whose presence was announced on swift winds prior to his arrival, stared at the child in shock. This sacred gravel rectangle was a holy sight he may have only encountered once before, but that he had thought obvious that interlopers were not permitted to trespass. This land's unprecedented flatness was a geological marvel that deserved to be studied, but lo, before Talamaeus, was this casual human cart? Practically a declaration of war! And what was this? He's sitting there, pointing a wand at his rightful lord? A threat on the emperor's own life in broad daylight?
"Listen here, knave, and listen well. I am as good as your god and if you know what is good for you, you will throw down your weapon and accept the death that you deserve!" said the emperor, squinting menacingly.
"…look, this isn't what it looks like," said Kaegan, uncomfortably examining the rounded hand-held pylon.
"Do not DARE test me, child, I am an emperor! Crowned by the epic forces of nature which roared and bellowed upon my arrival and coronation upon this plane!" he said, referring to a time when a circular branch fell on his head during a windstorm. The emperor took a breath. This was an impudence that the world had surely never encountered before. It would take all of the blessings of his divine mandate to deal with this threat. He stood back and drew the legendary broadsword, Ironsides Michalinus, gleaning and honed by a thousand hours of his own expert craftsmanship.
"This is your last warning, pest, before I disarm you permanently!"
"…I don't think…that this is what you think it…" a befuddled Kaegan stammered.
"Guide my blade, Divine One!" he cried out, his battle regalia flowing gracefully behind his lightning-fast charge towards glory.
Still confused about anything that was happening, Kaegan observed the man with all the grace of a landing walrus, waddle towards him with what appeared to be a rusted dagger with a number of chips in the blade. Kaegan dropped the shapely ceramic accessory back into the crate and took a step back in the wagon.
Only a handspan away from the cart, there was a distant snap, and much closer squishy impact. After a moment, Kaegan slowly peered over the rim of the wagon to observe that the man who had been known as Herbert Wallace appeared to have been felled by a crossbow bolt. He looked toward the origin of the wound to see a town guard.
"You have to be mindful of the dangers of the woods," said the guard placing the crossbow over his shoulder. "Never know when some crazy might come after you."
"Yeah," said Kaegan. "guess not." He leapt off the wagon to the ground next to the fallen man. "I should be heading into the inn."
"Best that you do. It'll be getting dark soon, and there's going to be a full moon. That stuff always gives me the heebeegeebees," said the guard as he casually turned around and headed back towards the town centre.
Kaegan, of course, couldn't care less about the moon or the heebeegeebees it did or didn't cause. He picked up the rusty dagger. It looked like it had been scraped a hundred or more times against a rough stone surface, but it was still relatively dagger-shaped. Another casual acquisition. At least it was better than no dagger at all.