Grandpa Ant
 Picture taken at his speech during the 2014 RP Conference, although that doesn't matter, as he wears the same cloths everyday... | |
| Species | Oecophylla Smaragdina Sapiens |
|---|---|
| Born | Long before humanity came into an alert state. The 70s. |
| Skills / Trades | *Shuffleboard
|
| Items | *Magic Pilgrim Hat
|
| Religious Affiliation | Order of the Zyqxuwy |
| Signature | File:116395.jpg |
| Shikai | Unknown |
| Bankai | Unknown |
| ---- | |
| “ | You are never too old to burn to death in a fire. | ” |
—Grandpa Ant | ||
Grandpa Ant is a character that currently seems to be dwelling within the news at The Refuge. He is a sentient insect with minor issues related to dementia and erectile dysfunction. He aims, primarily to communicate his wisdom on various aspects of life to the world. In reality, his observations are astute, although feature information that is either common-sense and/or a fact that may be true, but primarily illustrates his own senility. Grandpa Ant is of Welsh descent.
Appearance
Like many other traditional cartoon renditions of characters, Grandpa Ant is displayed wearing the same cloths everyday. However reporting "I changed my shirt once in the 80s, it used to be yellow to hide the urine stains. I also moved to New York. If I didn't, people wouldn't feed me at bus stops." Therefore, it is possible that this is due to free will instead of lazy animators.
Ant's beard, hat, and glasses distinguish him from the rest of his race, as they are unable to grow/obtain such items. Critics of this distinguishment observe that weaver ants, which Grandpa Ant claims his heritage, are also unable to communicate using English through audio or visual means. However, several residents of the Bronx district of New York City are reported to have spoken with other weaver ants as well. Coincidentally, psychiatric evaluations are pending for all residents who have come forward with this report.
Ant also carries a 7 iron class golf club that he reports using for every shot in the game. Like Ant himself, the club is an older version of the present day model and has abilities similar to the modern 9 iron. Despite its reoccurring appearances, Ant has not been seen using it in practice of the traditional game of golf and is suspected to use the club as make-shift farming equipment.
History
In January of 2014, Grandpa Ant revealed that he was once a human male, but was changed into an ant by a witch when he "ravaged" her son. Following the end of his promiscuous lifestyle, Ant became a philosopher, likely attributed to his limited abilities to accomplish anything else substantial. Paying his way through college with guest appearances in 2-bit computer games, Ant eventually graduated with a Master's Degree and various lower degrees in History. He was hired by corporation C.F.I. Kare as a historian/consultant, and collecting 1.6 million dollars, and subsequently launching an unsuccessful attempt at president in 2012. He now works as a Refuge News writer, making additional guest appearances in associated Refuge areas.
Mentality
Grandpa Ant generally turns to his wealth of knowledge to carry him through difficult situations and, when that fails, turns to his senility to defuse a volatile situation.
Grandpa Ant in Recent Times
Following Calamity Refuge's return to SMF, Grandpa Ant has been able to resume his post as a weekly speaker in the news. Like all of the other news items, Grandpa Ant updates once a week. The following log has been composed of all news items since SMF's second launch in January 2014.
Here's yet, one more chance to befoul my worthless existence.
- Priest on Revive, Kingdom Elemental
I used to be a human guy, but a witch turned me into an ant after I ravaged her son.
- Outdoor-themed Porno
In a world where carpenters get resurrected, everything is possible
- Eleanor of Aquitaine, A Lion in Winter (1968)
You are never too old to burn to death in a fire.
- Red Forman, That 70s Show
Be a guy who gets up at six o'clock in the morning, regardless of what time it is.
- Lou Duva, veteran boxing trainer, on the Spartan training regime of heavyweight Andrew Golota.
You've got to take the sour with the bitter.
- Samuel Goldwyn
I used to look like this when I was younger, and I still do!
-Yogi Berra
"I have a God-given talent. I got it from my dad."
- Julian Wakefield, Missouri basketball player
"Why do you think that helicopters have four swords on the top of them?"
- Bro Team on Warframe
"Cheered on by their words with an altogether more positive attitude towards boxing, I found myself recalling the words of Marlin Brando in On the Waterfront: "I could have been a bartender"."
- A "Look Japan" magazine article
"It's time for the human race to enter the solar system!"
- Dan Quayle, former U.S. Vice President on the concept of a manned mission to Mars
"We just want to evolve...like The Stones!"
- Justin Timberlake
"The internet is a great way to get on the net."
- Bob Dole, former US senator and presidential candidate
"I think that gay marriage is something that should be between a man and a woman."
- Arnold Schwarzenegger, former Governor of California
"The world is more like it is now then it ever has before."
- Dwight Eisenhower, former US president
"Keep a stiff upper chin."
- Samuel Goldwyn
"China is a big country, inhabited by many Chinese"
- Charles de Gaulle
"They're still a worthless company in my opinion. In Japan, if you have a worthless company, what you do is you go out to the parking lot and kill yourself. And I've told them to consider that option."
- Gary Lindstrom on Comcast
"We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?"
- Lee Iacocca, Former CEO of Chrysler
"Whiplash, by the way, isn't a serious medical injury. It's insurance fraud."
- Jeremy Clarkson, S20E06 Top Gear
At present there are such goings-on that everything is at a standstill.
- Bayle Roche, former member of the Irish House of Commons
Not only is he ambidextrous, but he can throw with either hand.
- Duffy Daugherty, football coach
I'm invisible when I take off my shoes.
- Anonymous Floor Tech, Colorado School of Mines
Traffic is very heavy at the moment, so if you are thinking of leaving now, you'd better set off a few minutes earlier.
-Anonymous Traffic Report
I like to be doing two things at once, that way I can move slower.
- Jenny Shepherd, NCIS
That sounds like my wife in trouble, but it can’t be, because she's dead and I've already absorbed character development from her death.
- John Lastofus
Our strength is that we don't have any weaknesses. Our weakness is that we don't have any real strengths.
- Frank Broyles